nearly a week in ...

been smoking about 7 a day for last few days ... painlessly
i think the drug is starting to have an effect, 7 cigarettes seems like so much more than 20+ used to ... when i was smoking a pack a day i never felt like i was always smoking, but now it feels like the 7 squares are filling my day. instead of smoking by the clock like i did the first few days i just smoke when i want to, and i seem to want it a lot less than i used to. according to the plan i'm supposed to up my dosage tomorrow, but i don't think i am going to. now that i see the effect it's having i would really like to take more, but i have a limited supply and am betting that one a day for more days will have the best overall effect ...
this has been a long week, and this weekend will be tougher ... amy's mom got released from the hospital today, and i'm sure amy will be back and forth to sun city a few times in the near future; that always puts her on edge, i think she just hates the drive more than anything else ... the kids are here until monday morning, and they make me want to smoke just to have an excuse to go outside; i love them, but they can get difficult ... money is getting to be a real sore issue around here, jobs are needed desperately ...
if i can get through the weekend at 7 a day, i will be happy. next week will be the week that things get serious. i need to find some kind of steady income by next friday (or at least put a fair number of hooks in the water), and i want to be at 3 a day by the 18th. if i can get it down to 3 by then, then i feel comfortable shooting for an x-mas quit date. that would be cool, because then my atheist ass would have a reason to celebrate on the same day the rest of the world has their little party ...
p.s. happy belated birthday, mom